“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” ― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays

Solitude had never crossed my mind as something worth embracing. Because I was raised around people, disregarding that I was allowed to be in my own space, I cringed or pulled away from the thought of being alone. The word ‘alone’ gained a bad rap by unintentionally insinuating that being outside of other people’s company made one a “loner”, “anti-social”, and so on. This is certainly where I was wrong after I pushed myself to embrace solitude

The world today has never been busier. We’ve developed routines in our life that are a constant cycle. We wake up, step into the presence of others at school or work, and socialize, blending into the constant action of life and taking in new thoughts and ideas from the day. We go home, sleep, and repeat. It drones on so much that we can become walking zombies, who forget ourselves. Once we have ourselves in our own space we’re confronted by the fact that we’re insecure in our solitude. The silence I was surrounded by felt loud because I thought the noise of company meant everything. I was slapped in the face by the noise of quiet as it was all unexpected and my initial thoughts were those of loneliness.

Solitude and Loneliness first need to be distinguished by understanding their definitions. Loneliness is to be without company, and often in a sad way.

“Loneliness is a symptom of something else going on inside a person. Loneliness can be masked as simply as a person being distracted or entertained, but that doesn’t fix the deeper problem. Did you know you can be lonely even when around people? Yet you would think going out to be around people would solve the problem.” – L. Mubu

Solitude however is the state of being alone without being lonely.

In a busy world, we need solitude to find balance and a sense of direction. Through solitude, we figure out who are after being with certain people and experiencing certain things, and find out what we want to do next. Solitude is a way of being good to ourselves and in turn good to our peers and environment. A restored soul moves differently.

Of course embracing solitude doesn’t come easy. The first time I realized I was in my own space I found myself feeling discomfort at how loud the silence was. I also felt the darkness of loneliness creeping in which, to be honest, led to dark and depressing thoughts and even actions I never expected to have. This was all due to mindset. With time, I learned to adapt to the discomfort. As a self-identifying ambivert, I learned to appreciate the balance between solitude, and being around others. I later found that despite being charged by other people’s energy, I also had to find time to be charged by my own energy. I didn’t want to rely on other people to make me happy or give me experiences that I could just as well give myself.

There’s no manual to finding and embracing solitude. But there are simple things you can do. Personally, being charged by both social energy and the solitude I place myself in, I realized I was inspired by both experiences and channelled them towards my hobbies. Took myself out on dates, enjoyed a view alone, read a book or even a good movie. Sometimes the best outcome was a clear mind and soul.

A starting tip can be to switch off your phone or at least the Wi-Fi and sit in a personal space like a bedroom. Play music you like, if you aren’t used to the deafening silence, and reflect on your day or people you interacted with, or something you saw. Think about how you felt, what you noticed, and maybe build a new perspective. Others read articles, a novel, get up to their hobbies or engage in practising their own form of spirituality. A personal dance party works too.

“Reflection, introspection, growth, and inspiration happen in times of solitude. The practice of solitude overcomes the false “need” for connection & sense of loneliness. This allows one to grow mentally, spiritually and physically so they can be a healthy part of a truly synergistic relationship” – L. Mubu

Finding solitude gives us new perspective, security in our own company and self, and helps us unravel the thin and subtle distinction between solitude and loneliness. At first the silence of being without people may be deafening, and awaken you to senses and thoughts you’d never expect, but that’s the greatest aspect of it.

Unfortunately, not all can achieve embracing solitude. Associating it with boredom or loneliness, they are less likely to seek it out. This also therefore means people who dislike solitude seek out habits or actions that in no way help them. From observation and personal journey of growth, I’ve come to understand that this suggest solitude, the joy of being alone, stems from and promotes a state of maturity and richness in self, something older people learn seem to grasp much better than the youth.

And that’s alright. However, I challenge you to do something that requires embracing solitude and you just might discover something about yourself, maybe even make it a regular habit.